Pity Party

All my dad has said is not to write about my problems because people don’t like people who want pity but who ever said that a person releasing emotion craved pity? All I’ve done recently is push everyone away because I can’t control my own state of mind anymore. I find myself missing the same person and tearing myself apart looking for a way up when I am only going down. People talk about anxiety and depression and truth be told, I have no idea about either. I’m just sad all the time and I don’t get hungry. I go to sleep when I’m finally tired and I only smile to let everyone know I’m okay. Feeling alone is just a side effect of being sad. I feel alone and sad and tired and drained. All I want is a hug and shoulder to cry on and every time someone seems to be the right one… They’re not. They just said all the right things. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way. Maybe you can see you’re not alone. Have a great day! See you soon. (:

A Week Changed Everything

I thought this week would be so hard. I thought a week without them would kill me. I thought of them before bed. I wrote a lost of things I wanted to remember to tell them upon their return. But they didn’t miss me once. I lied and said the same but it’s not true. My mother’s point about a friendship has been proven. What is left to say besides…goodbye?

JROTC is my Life

I am a cadet. I could recite my creed in my sleep. I know what I’m told to do and how to approach people. I know how to lead and when to follow. The past couple days have been training for new cadets and I’m enjoying every minute of the confusion as I was confused my first few days too. I am enjoying my time being able to help discipline and show others the steps I had to learn my first day. I love what I do and I wouldn’t take back my decision to go to the academy ever. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made, even if I’ll only be a sophomore this year.

New Beginnings

I don’t like change. For some reason I find it very hard to just let things go and it really can be a huge setback because I never move on properly, it takes me way too long. Lately, I’ve been pushing stuff aside and focusing on other things and trying new things and hoping that my past will not feel so missed. It’s good to take a weight off but now I feel alone without it. Here’s to new beginnings and hopefully some good things will come of everything that’s going on lately. I know this was short and to the point. See you tomorrow! Have a majestic day (;

Are you insecure?

I am not one to talk about confidence because I don’t have much and I find many things to dislike about myself as a person and more but what I can’t seem to understand is how people can say they’re insecure about something and flaunt it like it’s the best asset. A girl who’s complaining about her weight and her sides popping over the top of her pants isn’t the one to usually wear skin tight bottoms. I know because I don’t want a muffin top, I’ll wear high wasted pants to hide it because I have a smaller waist. My sister is the opposite, her body is shaped like a box and she’s wide but when I make the slight suggestion to wear a loser material or just choose a bigger size because I understand the struggle since I was very much over weight before, my mother says I’m jealous and then my sister proceeds to say I don’t know anything yet she complains about her weight everyday and stuffs her face like she hasn’t eaten in days. Maybe, I’m slightly over reacting and in a really bad mood right now but I hate when all they do is criticize me and when I say something within reason, I’m wrong and I’m just “jealous”. I was trying to help; I guess my family is just irrational. I’ve been ranting a lot lately so I’m sorry. Just How I felt. Have a wonderful day. See you all tomorrow (:

What’s a Friend

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you finally realize that you care about someone more than they care about you? I have. Or you mean something to them just because they mean it to you. Yesterday I realized that this one girl is my best friend but she already has a best friend. Someone she truly calls her Bestfriend and wants to do everything with. I had this idea to get or make matching phone cases with our picture on it or something unique for us that I told her about and she didn’t like it. Her screen saver is a picture of her best friend and I honestly thought nothing of it because they’d known each other longer. Yesterday, I realized that I need to get a new friend and find a true best friend because my “best friend” already has one. I have decided to stop being okay with being second and try to be first even if that means being alone for a little while. I’m smart individual and a lot of people like who I am so I most definitely don’t deserve to come second to anybody. No matter how long two people have known each other, it’s not fair to call someone else your best friend if it heart that’s not what they are. They’re just a close friend whom you care for but it’s not like the other friend. It’s not okay to have someone strung along like that and I’m cutting ties. I’m looking to meet new people and I’ll just have to deal for a while on my own. I don’t need to always have someone any way and if it seems that way, I’ll have to get over it. Sorry for ranting but some people don’t value your friendship the way you do and before you hurt yourself emotionally, you need to detach yourself and get on with your life because I know I don’t need to sulk over anyone else, not now, and neither do you. Have a great day and be yourself and don’t let anyone get in the way of your happiness.